Monday, October 13, 2008


Crossing my fingers to have Saturday off so I can participate in the much-anticipated Pumpkin Festival!!

Two years ago, there were over 30,000 jack-o-lanterns displayed! I can't wait to see it. And Jen told me that if we go late enough in the evening, they give away the jack-o-lanterns! Yea for free jack-o-lanterns!!!

New Beginnings

I made an observation earlier today that this particular time of the year is always quite emotional and transforming for me. Last year was a perfect storm of incidents that changed the trajectory of my life by decisions I made, for better or worse. This year I'm not so much making decisions but rather having them made for me, so to speak. Well, I do have a small choice of whether or not to fight in this particular situation, but I can't see what good it would do. Why waste energy on something you know won't happen? It's not that I am simply being pessimistic--I'm finally being realistic. I am finally waking up to how things are and coming to the "decision" of letting go. In this surrender, I hope to find strength even though right now all I can see is my own weakness.

So despite my brokenness, I vow to move forward and find the happiness that surrounds me here. This can be a much needed nudge back onto my yoga mat or encourage me to get over my fears and attend the Theology on Tap meeting Thursday night. I must learn to let go of the past, be present now, and look with hope to the future.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Work Hard Now to Play Hard Later

That's been my motto this week and the only thing keeping me going is an upcoming friend's visit on Thursday. I've barely slept but it is all worth it. Tonight I have a little bit of time and I was excited to watch Bizarre Foods on Travel Channel, but it appears Jen has DVR'ed Nova's presentation of "Arctic Dinosaurs." Guess I will be getting a lesson in paleontology instead of watching some guy eat something that looks a lot like snot. I suppose I should embrace the opportunity to learn about something that I know very little about. But damn I wanted to see him eat some nasty stuff!

Tomorrow is another very very long day: up before 6, meetings, treatment, work, more meetings! WOO HOO! BUT--once the end of the day hits, I am almost there...almost to the point of having FUN and not worrying too much about everything else going on. Oh I am so excited!!!

Ahh....I almost forgot! A few weeks ago, I went to the Museum of Science and watched an IMAX presentation of "The Alps." It was about one man's desire to climb the threatening North Face of the Eiger--the same face upon which his father climbed his last. I am rather intimidated by IMAX theatres in general--don't know why really. It might be the rather slanty, tiny steps going up or the dramatic pitch that one is seated upon. Whatever it is, it gave me some sense as to the real height and feeling that one might have while mountain climbing and it provided me the insight to make this decision: there is no mountain climbing for me! Kilimanjaro is one thing--but Everest or Annapurna--no thank you! Clinging from teeny tiny rocks that you pray don't detach suddenly from the mother rock--not really my cup of tea. I like to think of myself as adventurous, but not in that way. Maybe if I'd started at a young age...but for now, I think I will keep my feet on the ground.

Speaking of Kilimanjaro: An ex-CIA agent died only 20 feet from the summit of the great African mountain on Sept. 19. Nauru passed on this piece of information hoping to deter me from setting this as my "Turning 30" goal. Not sure if it's worked yet or not...probably not, because I just can't come up with anything else that really says "DAMN IT I'M 30!!"

On another sad note, it's been exactly one month since Jim died. I still have mixed feelings about it and have only had a few nightmares to accompany these intense unfamiliar emotions. Saturday would have been my mom and Jim's 11th wedding anniversary. Please continue to pray for my mom--she's still quite a mess.

Well, I guess that's the report from the getting-colder-by-the-day Northeast! Probably won't be around much since tomorrow will be crazy and then my little buddy arrives Thursday morning! Whoop whoop! I imagine there will be LOTS of eating, drinking, walking, talking and partying this weekend! It's also B's birthday, so it is totally party time...and I am ready!

Friday, October 3, 2008

Friday Fun

One more week finished...whew! It's been a ridiculously crazy and busy week and I am glad it's almost over. Just finished with my class for the morning and now I'm headed to treatment. Sounds like fun, doesn't it? I assure you, it is not. However, it IS Friday so that is a good thing. No more treatment until Monday--feels like a mini-vacation.

After treatment it's back to the j-o-b for (more) paperwork. They are well aware of my complete situation and assured me I wouldn't be there too long today. So we'll see how they are at keeping promises! I'm also hopeful they won't ask me to come in tomorrow so I can perhaps make a trip to get some necessities for the new bedroom. Things like a bed, a dresser, a know, important things.

If I do have the day free tomorrow, one of my new roomies and I are going to have breakfast/brunch at this tiiiiiiiiiiny little place just a block away, Mike and Patty's. It looks really cute and from what I've heard the food is quite fresh and delicious.

AND tomorrow there is a book sale at the Boston Public Library which I would LOVE to peruse. So much I want and need to do, and I am beyond annoyed that I can't make any solid plans yet because I don't know what the work situation is going to be. Patience, patience, patience. I keep reminding myself (and having others help remind me as well) that everything will work out...just be patient, damn it!! :-)